The DeWeyrd Chronicles:
Adventures in an Alternate Dimension

the cast

The characters portrayed within The DeWeyrd Chronicles are entirely fictional. Any similarities to people living, dead or hanging around in-between are purely coincidental in a completely legal way.

A B C D E F G H I J K L M
N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
    5HQ
Tunez emporium in Leicester.		    
   

A is for 'aving a larf!

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    Adele
One third of the "Alison and Adele Posse".		    

Al, Big Bad
Lean, Mean, Scouse Fighting Machine.
Shouldn't have fallen asleep.
  Alan Everard
Top bloke but ex-Gummel.		    
    Alex F
Known aliases: Beryl the Fish, Nipper.		    
  Alfie Monkey
 Ex-Gummel.		    
  Alien lifeform
Evolved from a Chinese meal I left in somebody's oven....		    
    Alison
One third of the "Alison and Adele Posse".		    
  Amsterdam
Ghost Town.		    
    Anita
Euuuhh Eee Euuuuh Eee Euuuuhhh Eee Eeeuuuuh (to the tune of Apollo 440's 'Lolita')		    
  Anna
Known aliases: Chattaway.
Mother to Samuel, and wife to Matt.		    
    April
Deserved better. Hope things turned out okay.		    
    Ash    
   

B is for bagels

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Bagels
Nourishing bread product of Jewish origin that tastes lurvely with some cool, creamy Philadelphia.
    Bagleys (RIP).
Legendary rave venue in Lundun..		    
Baked Beans
The other half of The Author's diet.
    Bangin' Tunez
Tunez emporium in Coventry.		    
    Bass Box
Legendary rave venue somewhere on the North Circular.
The Author once fell asleep on one of their bass bins.		    
    Beers
Known aliases - Nigel Christopher Bromley Davenport (lol).
1/4 inventor of the legendary game of "Rugby Rolling".
Most famously was involved in the "Binley Road incident", which saw Beers and The Author's childish games spiral out of control, resulting in The Author throwing Beers' bed out of an upstairs window, Beers kicking down the back door, and culminating in a punch-up outside in the street, eventually involving the neighbours and the local Constabulary.		    
    Blagging
The ancient art of blagging - where traffic cones, signs, and the like are collected from various locations, often following a mindless drinking binge - was taken to new heights - mostly from 1989 to 1992 - when the Blondesome Threesome, otherwise known as The Exclusive Cartel, terrorised the Tendring Peninsular with their escapades. During this period TBS progressed from mindlessly collecting a few objects during a drunken binge, to pre-selecting a target they'd be in contact with the next day, and spending the entire night collecting a vast range of objects, eventually including a traffic tent, a fence, various vehicles, the entire contents of a classroom, and even a person (leaving a ransom note for the person's later - understandably - quite distraught Grandmother) - and then adorning their target's house, garden, place of work, etc. with the items. The hilarity that ensued the following day always amused, but frequently lead to run-ins with angry parents, furious grandmothers, and on several occasions the local Constabulary... those that didn't move fast enough DID end up in a cell for the night....		    
    The Blondesome Threesome, otherwise known as The Exclusive Cartel
The legendary coming-together of GonAway, Ponson, and Dowse, who's adventures were to be the start of many great things.		    
  Bluey
Known aliases: DJ Bluey, Alex S.
Technological protégé of Narkotix and Gooseberry Extraordinaire.		    
  Bob
Respect.		    

Bobby Mumford
Known aliases: Kurlee, Toastie Reeves, the Roundabout Rogue.
Bad Young Gangster Rapper with multiple platinum albums to his name. Keeps his feet on the ground by working as a Shop Manager for a local Tool Hire.
Now the proud Father of Finlay.
    Boogie Times Records
Tunez emporium in Romford.		    

Boomtown Rats
Source of inspirational music during the eighties. Replaced to much cheering by the likes of Rick Astley, Kylie Minogue and Mel and Kim.
Brian
Northern monkey from Middlesborough. Loved Sitting in Darkness.
BT, AKA Better Telecom
Fictional Telecommunications Giant who just can't help getting EVERY-FUCKING-THING WRONG.
    C is for computers

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    Captain Mark Phillips    
    Carrie
Known aliases: Clott.
Ex-gummel. Last just two days.		    
  Cathy
 Ex-Gummel.		    
    Cavey    
    Cheryl    
Chloe
Known aliases: Angelina Vansen, Raven Darkholme. 
    Chris H
 A person not quite like any other. You didn't know if he hadn't grasped the gravity of the situation, or he just didn't care!		    
Chris J
Known aliases: Deep Thought, Deep Throat.
Former mentor to Narkotix.
Chris S
Once an idol to The Author, but became a sad old man, just like everybody else.
Christina
Destroyed The Author's faith in omens.
    Claire
Known aliases: B&Q Claire.		    
  Claare
Lunatic and mother of Zac, courtesy of the MC Pil - on both counts!		    
    Claire J
Known aliases: the dodgy one.		    
    Clara    
    Clare D
Would do anything to get the front seat.		    
Club M
Closest thing Walton has ever seen to a night club.
The Con-Way Tribe of Afrika Ltd.
Thought to be where The Author actually originates from (not on this planet!)
Computers
Not tonight!
    D is for Derby

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  Dad    
    Darren
 TechnoHead.		    
    Darren J
Aliases: DJ Rampant.		    
  David George Baker
Mature student who bravely lived upstairs in one of the Author's abodes - and was once forced to hide in a cupboard from a house full of Ravers!		    
  Dawn
 TechnoHead.		    

Dedication
Evil character that worked his way into the system a few years back. Not really sure what he's doing there, certainly never fitted into my long-term plans before, but he appears to know what he's doing!
    Dennis P
Punched by The Author, in what can only be described as "a twatty thing to do", as later on that day Dennis turned out to be the new School Bully. 		   

Derby County
Prestigious Football team steeped in a tradition of wonderous footwork and sublime skills. Won countless first division titles during the Seventies (so long as you can only count to 1).
    Des O'Mochrie    
Destiny
The theory that we walk a preordained path. 
    The Dielectric Club
Legendary rave venue. The Author's spiritual home 1992-1998.
Home of DieHard.		    
    Everything start with an E!

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    The Eclipse
Known aliases: The Edge, The Planet.
Legendary rave venue, and one of the very few reasons The Author went to Coventry. Closed down the week before The Author arrived in Coventry.		    
    Elie
Dew21 "Dancing in Cybersex".		    
    Emmas
All Emmas are different.		    
Emma A 
Too nice for the likes of The Author.
    Em F    
Emma H
  Emma J    
    Emma T
 Known aliases: Temma Eyeson.
Participant in the "You make me happy" doll incident.		    
Everton
Soccer outfit that might have scraped a title once.
    F is for first-born.

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    Faye    
  Ferdi
Known aliases: Ferds.
Aussie TechnoHead.		    
    Fia    
    Finlay
Son of Bobby Mumford and Lucy.		    
    Franx
Known aliases: Fibbers
Legendary crap club in Clacton.		    
    G is for Girls.

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    Gay Kev
Primary "blagging target" for the Blondesome Threesome, otherwise known as The Exclusive Cartel, mainly due to 1/ his unbelievable gullibility, and 2/ the fact that The Mowse worked alongside him on a Saturday whilst GonAway and Ponson did not!		    
  Gerry H    
Ghost of raving past
Sluggish geezer who can still run an on-the-spot marathon for eight hours.
  Gibble, The
 Gummel. Fixes computers and sells T120's!		    
    Glen
Gummel. Fixed computers.
Known aliases: Fred Flintstone.		    
    Global Beat
Tunez emporium in Bradford.		    
  Greg D    
  Graham I
 The Master.		    
    H is for huffa.

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The Hippodrome
Legendary crap club turned rave venue.
Home of "Vision".
Holyhead Road Filling Station
Scene of an armed robbery involving The Author.
Hutch
 The best. Dieharder, Technohead, Housemate and Friend.
    J is for Jugs.

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Jabba
Severely worried The Author's kneecaps.
Jane
Known aliases: Christmas Jane.
Jax
Known aliases: HypnoJax.
Ex-Gummel.
Jeanette (the best a man can get!)
Jen
Jenny
Threatened to pull every hair out of The Author's body one by one!
Jenny
Ensnared in a twelve-hour revolving nightmare.
Jenny
Most famously removed all her clothes and run up and down the street screaming.
Jess M
Party Animal Extreme, and now a Gummel.
Known aliases: Electromantic, Jessicatronica.
Jetty
Jim
Known aliases: Mr Jim.
Rough-and-ready Carpenter. A DJ in his spare time.
Joann
Jo S
Known aliases: Gazza.
Josh
B&Q Security. Truly admirable!
    Josie H
Sister of a famous Clacton-based DJ.
Proclaimed the best kisser The Author had ever met at the time!		    
    John
 TechnoHead and Schemester.		    
Jon F
Jugsy
Jules
Known aliases: GrayWolf.
Ex-Gummel.
Julie
Known aliases: B&Q Julie.
Soulmate. Given away at her wedding by The Author.
Julie D
The original big fat blonde hairdresser.
Julie W
Extravert extreme.
    K is for Kylie

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Karen C
Classic quotes: "I think you've scored!"
Karen D
 Classic quotes: "What did you have for breakfast?"
Kat
Known aliases: Khayyam Aslam, John.
1/4 inventor of the legendary game of "Rugby Rolling".
Slept through the "Binley Road incident".
Kate S
Known aliases: Smedleys Plumbs, Kate the Flump.
Most famously played the role of "The Other Woman" in The Author's masterplan to ensnare the bird he loved!
Katie C
Blessed with an enormous conk.
Organiser of the synchronised dancing.
Kerry-May S
The Kinky Love Aids Co. of Taiwan Inc.
Khorne the Blood God
Kirsten
Kylie
    L is for Luuuurve

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The Labyrinth
Legendary rave venue.
So good The Author once drove halfway across London on his own to attend - the rest of the posse being too monged to move by that point - only to discover they were hosting a Jungle night! He went in anyway, and amused the big black junglists with his knowledge of "The Steps" and other such classic rave moves... Oy mate, I was up there as well! :)
Lana C
Lee
The Legs
Known aliases: Princess Legs, Jayne.
Learner
Kidnapped!
When sprung and forced to return their victim, culprits Narky and Kolly cunningly blamed the kidnap on The Mowse, narrowly escaping punishment....
Leicester City Leicester
Place where they make Walkers crisps.

  Liam    
    Lindsey Wood (if she could but she can't 'cause I won't let her!)    
  Linux    
    Lisa
Saviour for a night.		    
    Lisa Stone
Known aliases: Lisa Fish.		    
    Louise S
The Author's childhood sweetheart, and later to be his first snog.
"Starred" nude in a graphical adventure game written by The Author.		    

LouLou
Ex-Gummel.

 

 Lucy W
Mother of Finlay.

 

 Lynda H
Ex-Gummel.
    M is for Monkey Business

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Magic
Known aliases: Mr. Conson, DJ Ronnie Kray, Rusty Winchester, Jono, Jonny the Hutt, Ponson and Choi.
Classic quotes: "Oy mate, I was up there as well!"
Original founding member of The Blondesome Threesome, otherwise known as The Exclusive Cartel, who moved to the dark side (Coventry), and ended up dragging everybody else there as well.
Mantic
Gummel and technological protégé of Narkotix. Keeps the other Gummels in check!
    Manny
B&Q Security. Terrifying.		    
    Marie
A teenage obsession.		    
    Maria L
Definately a tad unhinged.		    
  Martin
Ex-Gummel.		    
    Matt
Ex-Gummel.		    
    Matt H
Ex-Gummel.		    
Matt P
Husband to Anna, and Father to Samuel.

MC Pil
Brother and raving compatriot to Narkotix, the Doer to everybody else. Father of Zac.
    Michelle B
Hard as nails.		    
    Miss Magoo
Gummel. Fixes computers.
Known aliases: Shelle.		    
  Mosh
1/4 inventor of the legendary game of "Rugby Rolling".		    

The Mowse
Known aliases: Dowse, Most, Mostin, Stephen, Stephy, Paul, Russel, Quince and Choi.
One of life's winners.
    Mr. Conson's Dog (RIP)
Sadly now departed, but during his glory years was the proud owner of an enormous chopper.		    
    MUD (Multi User Dungeon)    
  Mum    
    N is for "Not Tonight"

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Narkotix
Known aliases: The Eternal Nocturnal, The Lone Stranger, The Jolly Codger, Jesus Dew, Weyrd, Dew, DeWeyrd, DeWC, DJ Choi C, Adrenl8, MC Mertyl, MCM, A Man like Chin, Fluke DeWeyrdWalker, Mertyl Stroganofski, Narky, Mr. Con-Way of The Con-Way Tribe of Afrika Ltd., GonAway, DJ Ermentrude 'Mate' Wang-Tsang, ExtraCheesePlease and Choi.
Probably the only person in history to have run himself over with his own car.
Tall, Dark, Raver. 
    Natalie Sheen
Leader of the "Natalie Sheen Know What I Mean" posse.		    
    Nelly (RIP)
Respect.
Larger than life. Once bit off a part of somebody's ear whilst "bouncing" at a Xerxes event.		    

Nic Ed
The best.
    O is for "Oy Moy"

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    Oscars
Legendary crap club then rave venue.		    
    Oz    
    P is for Micks

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  Paul L    
  Paula
Pawn in a power-struggle between The Author and Des O'Mochrie.		    
  Peche
Shouldn't have fallen asleep.		    

Pete J
Known aliases: Mr. M, M1BRR, Ketchup.
Technological protégé of Narkotix.
Only person known to have been seen out in public wearing a sillier hat than Narkotix.

Pete L
A mobile pharmaceutical evaluation unit.
  Pi
Mad Bint and temptress during the period of abstinence.
RIP the blue and orange horse, sadly decapitated shortly after this picture was taken.		    
  Pitman    

Porridge
Known aliases: Stretch, RHF.
Arrogant fuck.
    Q is for quandary      
    The Que Club.
Legendary Rave Club.
Scene of absolute highs and absolute lows.		    
    R is for raving

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  Rah    
  Ramo
The Dude.		    
    Raver
NPC (Non-Player Character) invented by Weyrd for the Cov Uni MUD. Unusually possessed the ability to move, as well as a Raver's Hat and a Glowstick.
Many an evening would be spent descending on the game and dropping fifty Ravers in the town square. The Ravers would start to move off in random directions chanting "top one, nice one, get sorted", the game would grind to a near-halt, and after a few moments Khorne or Oz would cry out "50 gold pieces for every Raver's dead body", and suddenly the Wizard Weyrd would be kicked from the game for the evening...		    
    Rebecca H    
  Rich
Known aliases: Biscuit.
Gummel, fixes computers.		    
  Rodda    

Robo
Known aliases: Viral Sine.
Internationally renowned musical artiste and novelist.
Spends the rest of his time as a Gummel, drawing nice pictures.
Rosie B

 

 Rugby Club
Home of Jessicatronica*27, and hopefully other future events!
    S is for Sexy

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  Sally
Rescued!		    
    Sally D
Mother to The Mowse, and a primary blagging target for The Blondesome Threesome, otherwise known as The Exclusive Cartel. At the height of their activities (which she took far too personally), Sally woke up one Sunday morning to discover a complete set of roadworks set up in her front and back garden, and proceeded to phone up Mrs. Con-Way senior to demand her son's gonads on a platter. Unfortunately for The Author, this phone call was shortly followed by a phone call from Learner's Grandmother, who was equally upset and demanding the return of her kidnapped Granddaughter.		    
  Sam W
Pupil of Pi, who went on to out-craze her pretty-crazy tutor. Most famously sat in a corner and painted her hair green. Artist who painted "The Strawberry".		    
  Sam W
The other Sam W, DJ and scratcher extraordinaire.		    
Samuel
Sara
Known aliases: Moomin.
High powered Executive-type from The Smoke.
    Sarah B
Used to steal The Author's papers on his paper round.
Their paths were to cross again!		    
    Sarah "Blowjob" Williams
Known aliases: SBW.		    
    The Savoy
Known aliases: The Saveloy, Rumours, Rumours II.
Legendary crap club.		    
Saz
Hairdresser by day (who very occasionally tidies up The Author's locks), Raver Extraordinaire by weekend.....
  Scary Mary    
    The Shed
Venue of the legendary "The Coming of Age of Mr. Con-Way".		    
  Schlaaag
Known aliases: LittleLou.
Ex-Gummel.		    
    Sev
Most famously had her shoe-laces tied together and was left on Angry Bloke's doorstep at 2am after The Blondesome Threesome, otherwise known as The Exclusive Cartel, had hammered on his front door for some time...		    
    Skateboarding
Skateboarding is not a crime!		    
    The Steps
Classic dance move, originating from the days of "Step On" by the Happy Mondays. First practiced by The Author on Friday nights (well... Thursday thru Sunday) in such legendary crap clubs as Oscars, Franx and The Savoy. Later taken up by the likes of Katie Collins and Des O'Mochrie.		    
Steve H
  Stripe the wondercat (RIP)
Supreme Being and Overlord of the Galaxy.
Had cunningly disguised himself as a cat, hidden amongst the unsuspecting people of Earth, conducting his will through his enslaved minion, Narkotix.
However, due to his frail old body giving out on him after 100-odd cat years, he is currently floating about somewhere nearby, plotting how to make his way back home...		    
  Sy    
    T is for tits

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T
    Tammy    
    Tash    
  Team "Something Really Offensive"    
The blokes who are too old to be in here
Legendary trio of old blokes, who could usually be found hanging off the dance-floor railings in Oscars.
  Thor
Known Aliases: Andrew Leahy, Leaky (as in boat).		    
    Tina A    
    Too-Too's
Legendary rave venue. The Author's spiritual home 1990-1992. Now a housing estate.		    

  Trace    
    Tracey
One third of the "Alison and Adele Posse".		    
  Tracey    
    The Train
Classic dance move, invented by The Author one (very) drunken night in Oscars, to be performed to absolutely anything.
Consisted of dancing right around the edge of the dancefloor, collecting the next person as you passed them, and so on you went, forming The Train - as close to "in unison" as you could manage, of course!
Was very very silly... well all the time really, but definately by the time you got to three people.
Best finished off by picking Des O'Mochrie up by his hands and feet, carrying him into the middle of the dancefloor, and performing The Steps for as long as you could hang on to him!
Amazingly never got anybody beaten up.
Probably didn't pull us any birds either!		    
    V is for Vixen

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  Vicky    
    W is for warmth      
    Weyrds World
In amidst the the fantastic and mythological world that was Cov Uni MUD, there soon emerged a signpost leading to Frating, and Too-Too's, a rave club and church of hedonism. Through it's NPC "Ravers" and all-powerful "Guild of Ravers", the magic of the real Too-Too's lived on (of sorts...)		    
    Wobert Wuckley    
    World Class Records (RIP)
Tunez emporium in Colchester.		    
    X is for Xerxes      
    Xerxes
Known aliases: Xerxes Promotions, Xerxes Underground.		    
    Y?

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  Yvonne
Known aliases: CheersMeUp.		    
    Z is for Zzzzz.....

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Zac
  Zepps    
  Zebedee    
    Zena
Owned a hammock.